What to do when you get too high at a Michigan county fair

Spun out by the Gravitron? Freaking out in line for an elephant ear? Don’t panic. This is your stoner survival guide.

MICHIGAN—Maybe you thought it’d be fun to chief down that hash-infused joint in the parking lot before hopping on the Ferris wheel. Maybe that mystery gummy from your cousin in Kalkaska hit a little too hard during the demolition derby. Or maybe you just wanted to vibe through the livestock barns but are now convinced the goats are talking shit about you.

Whatever brought you here, one thing’s for sure: 

You are way too high at a Michigan county fair and things are spiraling fast.

The good news: You’re not alone. I’ve been there before. The even better news: I’ve got your back with an official guide on how to chill out when the THC takes over at the fairgrounds.

1. Find somewhere quiet(ish)—and just breathe.

That’s easier said than done at a county fair, but there’s always a semi-chill spot to be found: maybe behind the food trucks or the 4-H barns. Just try to get away from the music, the lights, and the screaming children—even if you have to go chill in your car for a few minutes. 

Sit down. Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. 

Repeat until your heart rate stops trying to qualify for the Indy 500. 

2. Drink some water—not lemonade or soda. 

Fair drinks are fun but they’re full of sugar and caffeine, which can spike your anxiety levels. Water is your best friend when you’re too high. Just sip it slowly and let your system recalibrate.

Hydration won’t fix the high, but it’ll make the ride a lot less bumpy.

Bonus points if you brought your own water bottle like the prepared stoner you aspire to be. 

3. Find some black pepper.

If you’re near the food vendors, ask for some cracked pepper. The terpene beta-caryophyllene is known to interact with the same receptors as THC and it may help to calm you down. 

Smell it, chew it, channel your inner cooking show contestant. It sounds weird, but it works.

4. Eat something greasy—but not too greasy.

Food can help you absorb and balance the high. But if you go from zero to two corn dogs, chili fries, and funnel cake, you might just end up too high and puking inside a dirty portable toilet.

My advice: Stick to something hearty but simple. My personal go-to is a soft pretzel with cheese. It’s salty, filling, and just boring enough to help bring you back to reality. Plus, eating a quick snack usually gives me something to focus on besides my own internal monologue. 

5. Don’t go back on the rides. You’re not ready.

You will regret it. When you’re too high, the Tilt-a-Whirl can quickly become the Tilt-a-Hurl. The Zipper? That’s just a metal anxiety cage spinning at 40 mph. So, just stick to the ground. Maybe go play a ring toss game. You could win a stuffed animal and use it for emotional support. 

6. Avoid mirrors. Avoid cops. Avoid the petting zoo.

No need to elaborate here. Just trust me on this one. 

7. Call your most reasonable stoner friend.

Not the one who gave you the gummy. Not the one who thinks this is hilarious. Call the friend who keeps gum in their glovebox and brings water to the sesh. They’ll talk you down and remind you: Nobody has died from smoking too much weed. You’re fine; you’re just very, very high.

8. Ride it out near something beautiful.

Maybe it’s the lights on the Ferris wheel. Maybe it’s the sunset over the cornfield next door. Maybe it’s near that lamb that keeps staring at you like it knows you’re too high to be at the fair.

Wherever it is, just find a nice corner of the chaos and remind yourself: You’re not the first Michigander who got a little too lifted at the county fair—and you certainly won’t be the last. 

9. If all else fails, go back to the car and nap it out.

Seriously: Don’t make a fool of yourself in public if you can avoid it. Maybe just head back to the parking lot, climb into the passenger seat, lock the doors, crack the windows, and set an alarm for an hour later. You’ll either wake up feeling better or you’ll sleep through the worst of it. 

READ MORE: 5 quick hits of cannabis news from across Michigan

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