I gave up control of my personal stash last week and handed the buying power entirely to two Lansing budtenders who had no idea they were participating in my little dispensary experiment. I set no price limit, offered no brand preference, and bought whatever they put on the counter. 

Find the full review below. Plus, a New Buffalo dispensary is reportedly refusing to close after being ordered to shut down, state regulators suspended a hemp processing license for the first time ever, a Michigan brand is buying up Arizona, and college dorms are still a weed-free zone.

Roll one up and read on. 

Every stoner has a system for shopping. Mine is to pull up a half-dozen dispensary menus after work on Friday and hunt down the cheapest ounce that isn’t total garbage.

Last Friday, the system failed. My go-to budget brands were sold out, and everything left on the shelves looked old, overpriced, or both. About an hour into the search, I was staring down a choice between spending way too much money or smoking something I’d regret.

So, I did something I’ve never done: I walked into two dispensaries and bought whatever the budtender suggested. It cost me about $200 for a single ounce, which is roughly double what I usually spend in a week. But I’m starting to think I’ve been shopping wrong this whole time.

STILL OPEN: New Buffalo Township officials revoked the special land use permit for Trap Stars and ordered the dispensary to immediately shut down, but the store is still operating days later. Township officials cited a long list of violations and alleged misconduct. Trap Stars is appealing.

OVER THE LIMIT: State regulators suspended a hemp processing license for the first time after regulators allegedly found three jars of potent concentrates at a Lansing-based Loud Labs—all of which tested well beyond the legal 0.3% THC limit that separates hemp from marijuana in the eyes of the law. The company can still request a formal hearing to fight the license revocation. 

WILD WEST: JARS Cannabis, the Michigan-based chain you may recognize from the recent Flock camera saga in Madison Heights, is buying its way into a much bigger footprint out west. The company announced a deal last week to acquire Sonoran Roots and its eight Ponderosa brand dispensaries, which will soon make JARS the largest dispensary chain in Arizona. 

HOME RULE: A Lansing columnist has a useful reminder for anyone moving into a dorm this month: Michigan State University is technically a weed-free zone because officials there still follow federal law—not state law. That also means no flower, gummies, carts, and vape pens are allowed in the residence halls regardless of whether you’re a medical marijuana patient.

LOW DOSE: Medical cannabis may be helping older adults manage pain, insomnia, and mood-related symptoms without getting totally blasted. A new study of patients over age 65 found that 91% of patients reported meaningful improvement in their primary symptoms, while the effective doses were typically just a few milligrams per day of THC, CBD, or CBG. 

BIG DREAMS: Michael Doherty, the founder of Rehbel Industries, died recently at age 47. Doherty used to run a Lansing clothing label before weed was legalized in Michigan—at which point he bought a warehouse in Lansing and set out to become the Jack Daniel’s of marijuana.

ICYMI: If you missed last week’s newsletter, we opened the ballot for Michigan’s best weed brands. Specifically, we want to know which companies are still curing it properly, stinking up the room, and burning clean. Polls close on Sept. 30. Results will be announced in October. 

Last week, I asked for the single most important rule of sesh etiquette.

You picked “don’t slobber on it” by a clear margin. “Puff, puff, pass” came in second. And almost nobody flagged showing up empty-handed as a problem. So, here’s my takeaway: 

Stoners are generous people. You don’t have to bring anything. You don’t even have to respect the rotation—take your three puffs, we’ll live. Just don’t get it all gross and wet. That’s the line.

This week, you’re picking my next assignment. 

What type of cannabis product should I review next?

Cast your vote. Whatever wins, I’m buying it this weekend.

A lot of people in this industry are closing stores—or at least thinking about it. 

House of Dank keeps opening them. 

Its newest dispensary on Woodward Avenue in Berkley opened on Aug. 28. That means at least 16 House of Dank dispensaries are now operating statewide—putting it in the running behind Lume, JARS Cannabis, and Skymint for the title of the state’s most prolific dispensary brand.

I’m a regular at their Lansing shop for two reasons: good value and good variety. That combination is rarer than it should be in this crowded market. A lot of dispensaries in this state will only give you one or the other, and a lot of them have quietly stopped offering either.

It’s worth noting: Berkley now has five dispensaries for a city of about 15,000 full-time residents. I’m not going to pretend that math makes sense. I’m also not going to complain about it.

I have been trying to get inside 710 Labs for years. They have never once answered my emails. Now one of you is probably going to get invited inside first. And I’ve made peace with that.

The company has hidden golden tickets inside its products at dispensaries across Michigan. Flower, hash, vapes, prerolls—the company says anything with the 710 name on it is fair game. There’s no entry form and no slip to fill out at the counter. You just open the jar and look inside.

What you win, nobody will say. In emails, 710 Labs is only calling it “a very special prize.” But my money is on a Wonka-style tour of their production facility, along with a big bag of free weed.

For what it’s worth, this stuff is worth buying without a contest attached. 710 Labs puts out some of the best products in the state, and I’ve never had a bad experience with any of it. The ticket is a bonus on top of a purchase you’d be justified in making anyway. But if you find one, and it does turn out to be a tour, I’d like to formally request an invitation as your plus-one.

I’ll even sing like Grandpa Joe, who also did nothing to earn his ticket. 

Voyage Bloom keeps putting out strains faster than I can smoke them.

The latest one to land in my hands is called Mamba Marker, and I saved it for a rainy Sunday afternoon with nothing on the schedule and a chessboard that I barely know how to operate.

The strain is Animal Cookies crossed with Magic Marker. Voyage Bloom’s own description promises sweet fruit, creamy gas, and some earth underneath. And for once, the marketing copy is spot on. The diesel taste is what you notice first, and it doesn’t really let go.

This brand shows up in this newsletter all the time. What impresses me most is the sheer volume of new strains they put out without any of it feeling phoned in. 

If you get bored easily, chase this brand.

As for chess: I’m an amateur with no real strategy. I only bought this board after watching a Netflix show, which is the least respectable reason to pick up a new hobby. I won anyway.

Stay safe out there ‘Ganders. Remember that recreational cannabis is only legal in Michigan for ages 21 and up—and it’s NEVER OK to get high and drive.